A Letter on What Truly Drives Us

Dear Reader,

While writing my book, I came across the idea of eight core drivers—achievement, connection, security, freedom, growth, impact, recognition, and pleasure. My first reaction was almost instant—“Wow, I think I am a combination of all of them.”

And honestly, it felt true. Because when I look back at different phases of my life, I can see how each of these drivers has shown up in some way.

But as I sat with this thought a little longer, something shifted in my understanding.

I realised that while we may experience many drivers, not all of them stay. Some change with time, situations, and experiences. But a few remain constant, quietly influencing how we see relationships, decisions, and even ourselves.

For me, those constant drivers are connection, freedom, and security.

Over time, I have come to see that they are not separate parts of my life. They are deeply connected. I feel a sense of connection when I experience emotional, mental, or even physical security, along with the freedom to express myself. And sometimes, it works the other way around—when I feel truly connected with someone, I automatically feel safe and free to be who I am.

To make sense of this, I started visualising these three as a triangle. 

When all three are present, I feel balanced and grounded. But when even one feels missing, something within me feels unsettled, even if I cannot immediately explain why.

This awareness helped me look at my past with a little more honesty.

There was a time when I believed I was acting from connection, but now I can see that many of my actions were also coming from fear. I would invest my time and energy into people without any awareness. I believed everyone was close to me, without understanding that relationships can exist at different levels.

Looking back, I don’t judge that version of myself. But I do understand her better.

She wasn’t just seeking connection. She was also afraid of losing it. There was a quiet need to belong everywhere, to hold on to people, even when it was not always aligned. And because of that, I often felt hurt or emotionally drained.

Today, the driver is still the same. I still value connection deeply. But something within me has shifted.

Now, I allow relationships to take their natural place. Some remain at a surface level, some grow into meaningful connections, and a few become deeply personal. This understanding has brought a sense of clarity—how much to share, how to communicate, and what I can realistically expect in return.

The driver didn’t change. My awareness did.

A similar realisation came to me in my role as a parent.

There are moments when I find myself reminding my son to study, to focus, to build strong basics. On the surface, it looks like care—and it is. But when I paused and reflected, I could also see a layer of fear beneath it.

I have had a decent educational journey, but I have also faced challenges in my career. And somewhere, that experience shapes how I look at his future. The increasing competition, the pressure to perform, and the desire for him to have better opportunities all quietly influence how I guide him.

And then there is another layer I had to face, honestly. Like many parents, I want to give him what I didn’t receive. But sometimes, I also expect him to achieve what I could not.

He, however, is just a seven-year-old child, living in his present moment. He does not see life through the same lens of future worries. And slowly, I am learning to respect that.

This awareness hasn’t made me a perfect parent. But it has made me a more conscious one.

I still guide him, but now I try to do it with more patience, more understanding, and more space for him to grow in his own way. It is a slow shift—from fear-based reactions to more heart-based responses.

I see this shift most clearly in my work as a clarity and life coach.

When I sit with someone, my intention is not driven by fear or urgency. It comes from a place of presence. I try to create a space where there is genuine connection, where people feel free to express themselves, and where they feel emotionally safe.

And in those moments, I can feel the difference within myself.

Earlier, I was driven by connection, but often from a fear of losing people or not belonging. Now, I am still driven by connection, but from a place of awareness, choice, and inner stability.

And that shift, though subtle, has changed the way I experience my relationships, my parenting, and my work.

As you read this, I gently invite you to pause for a moment.

What are the drivers that guide your decisions?
And when you look closely, are they coming from fear… or from awareness?

If this resonated with you, you can always connect with me through DM on Instagram or message me on WhatsApp 

With warmth,
Richa